Children don’t need presents from their parents so much as they need their parents’ presence. It’s great to buy kids fun toys, stuffed animals, and so on to play with. However, more important than material goods is the deep soul level connection between parent and child, teaching kids properly, and most importantly setting a good example for kids to follow. Kids (and particularly teenagers) often pay very little attention to what their parents say, but they pay very close attention to what they see their parents do. Humans tend to become close but imperfect copies of their parents, boys tend to become like their dads, girls tend to become like their moms. Let’s give kids a good source or reference to imitate and copy.
In my past, I’ve seen myself imitate my own father in many ways, both good and bad. I have made a sincere effort to eliminate the bad habits and keep the good. My father was always good about doing things to take care of us. He showed his love by doing the little things like installing an extra toilet paper roll dispenser in the bathroom, performing other home repairs, or helping me get a toy helicopter to fly properly. I recall that when I was a young boy of about 4 years old, my dad played cards with me indoors when the weather was too cold to play outside. I also remember him scolding me very loudly and angrily when I was not doing my homework in middle school math class – I know it sounds harsh, but I also know he did that out of love for me and concern for my academic future. My older sister once commented that certain negative tendencies that she has are a carbon copy of our mother’s negative tendencies.
In the book Brotherhood of Warriors, Aaron Cohen states that he found that often the kids with the wealthiest parents ended up being the most troubled kids – a sign that simply throwing money and toys at our kids is not the best way to raise responsible young adults. In a way, it makes sense – when life is too easy, a person’s character is not tempered and forged like the strong steel of a good sword. Jason Hanson writes that as a youngster he was forced to do much hard manual labor, which he resented at the time, but he credits this with helping develop his current work ethic.
Now, admittedly, I still resent some of the hard times in my life, but I also recognize that having gone through those hardships has made me stronger in various ways. I admittedly still have not jettisoned the emotional baggage and anger from some of those hard times, although doing so is definitely something we should all aspire to, but with retaining the lessons learned and internal strength built from those hard times. Perhaps the anger at those hard times actually contributes to making me stronger, I don’t really know. I read an article once that stated that Navy SEALs who had just graduated from basic SEAL training exhibited much higher levels of anger and aggression than the general population. Considering the SEALs’ reputation for battlefield success, that might actually be a good thing, it might be part of the reason for their battlefield success.
Now please understand, I’m not suggesting that you abuse your kids in the hope of making them tough. There is a difference between genuinely meaning well to develop resilience and work ethic in your kids, versus potentially creating a human monster by mistreating them so badly that it would be considered criminal behavior if it were brought up in a court of law.
What do you think? What are the best ways that we can be present for our kids? And to develop resilience and grit such that they will be able to succeed in life? Please leave a comment below. Thanks for reading.
